I Don't Know What I'd Do Without You
by remuslupinlover17
Summary: Summary: AU Deathly Hallows. Remus realizes what he's done as soon as he attacked Harry in Grimmauld Place and makes sure he's okay. Harry and Remus have a talk. One-shot. Rated K because I'm paranoid.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters used in this story, all recognizable names, locations, and characters are property of the wonderful JK Rowling, who was lovely enough to bless us with the Harry Potter books to become obsessed with as I have.

 **Summary:** AU Deathly Hallows. Remus realizes what he's done as soon as he attacked Harry in Grimmauld Place and makes sure he's okay. Harry and Remus have a talk. One-shot. Rated K+ because I'm paranoid.

 **A/N:** I was writing another story that was going to be longer, but I lost my mojo after not writing for about 2 weeks. I have homework up the arse and haven't had time to write, so I sort of have writer's block with that particular story. I'm hoping this will help. Anyway, Remus is my ALL-TIME FAVORITE CHARACTER so he'll be the main character in a lot of fluffy one-shots I'll probably write, and maybe more. I really, really, _really_ love how I ended this story, so even if it seems a bit sappy or not well-written, read it until the end, because I have tears in my eyes and I'm the one who _wrote_ the story.

…

I Don't Know What I'd Do Without You

...

"' _I'd never have believed this,' Harry said. 'The man who taught me to fight dementors – a coward.'_

" _Lupin drew his wand so fast that Harry had barely reached for his own; there was a loud bang and he felt himself flying backward as if punched; as he slammed into the kitchen wall and slid to the floor, he glimpsed the tail of Lupin's cloak disappearing around the door"_

Harry reached up and felt the back of his head. There was a large bump a bit smaller than a golf ball forming there, and his hair was damp with blood. Lupin had attacked him with full force, it seemed.

Harry gingerly stood up off the floor after a minute, his hand still on the back of his head, a grimace on his face. He already hated himself for what he had said to Lupin; but he couldn't let him throw away his life with his wife and child. If Lupin, one of the last adults alive that actually cared about him a lot, hated him for it, so be it.

Harry lifted his head up to look around the room and saw something he didn't expect to see: Lupin was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, pale as a ghost, with a horrified expression on his face.

"Remus?!" Harry exclaimed loudly, wincing as he realized he had a pounding headache and loud noises didn't really help all that much.

Lupin didn't answer. He stepped toward Harry slowly, as if Harry might wince or back away, and reached up to pull Harry's hand away from his head. Lupin gently touched the bump on Harry's head, assessing the damage. Harry winced when Lupin touched the bump, it hurt quite a lot, and Lupin jumped back as if electrocuted.

"I'm sorry, Harry. If you don't want to be near me, I understand…" Lupin started, self-hatred filling his voice.

"It's nothing like that, Remus," Harry cut him off. "It just hurts a lot." Harry gave Lupin a pointed look, and Lupin gingerly stepped forward and continued to examine Harry's head.

"Oh, Merlin…" Lupin muttered. "I can't believe I did this…" Remus's words got so quiet that Harry couldn't hear them anymore.

"Ron, Hermione, could you give us a few minutes alone, please?" Harry called across the room. Hermione immediately grabbed Ron's shirt sleeve and led him out the kitchen door, closing it behind them.

Lupin looked as if he wished he could drop dead right then and there. His eyes were so full of self-hatred that Harry physically felt sick seeing him that way.

"Hold still, Harry…" Lupin muttered. His voice was hoarse, and it cracked when he said Harry's name.

He pointed his wand at the back of Harry's head, his eyes filling with even more sadness when Harry winced when he saw the wand. He muttered a spell under his breathe, and Harry's head instantly felt better.

Lupin walked out from Harry's side and made his way in front of him, looking at the floor. "I don't…I can't even…I'm so…" His voice cracked. "I'm so sorry, Harry…" Lupin fell silent as he made his way toward the door.

"Wait!" Harry yelled. Lupin didn't slow, so Harry ran forward and grabbed Lupin by the shoulders in order to stop him. Lupin stopped, but didn't turn around. Harry could feel the waves of self-hatred rolling off Lupin, so he did the only thing he could think of to help: he spun Lupin around and hugged him, wrapping his arms around Lupin's waist and back and pressing his face into his broad shoulder. He was holding on tightly, refusing to let go until Lupin reacted.

Lupin was so completely shocked, he didn't react at first. Once he realized what had happened, he instantly wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders, holding him tightly. Lupin fought to keep his tears at bay, as did Harry.

After a few moments, Harry turned his face so his words wouldn't be muffled and said "I don't hate you, Remus. That's not even a possibility. I care about you too much. I just hope you don't hate me for what I said. I only said it so you would go back to Tonks and your baby, I don't think you a coward, and I could never, ever be ashamed of you. You're very smart, extremely kind, a very talented wizard, and you are absolutely one of the best people I know. I did it for you, Remus. I realize that you'll probably hate me for what I said, but if I have to lose the best person in my life to make that person happy, then so be it. I love you, Remus."

Harry felt Lupin tighten his grip, and felt tears trickling through his hair, falling freely from Lupin's eyes.

Harry decided to continue, but he pulled away from Lupin so he could look him in the eye. "Even though you have a furry little problem, I could never be ashamed of being your friend. Nobody could be, and there's no way your child could be either. You truly are a wonderful person, Remus, and you mean a lot to me. Honestly, I hate to say this, but it's true: you've been more of a godfather to me than Sirius ever was. Sirius was more of a brother or friend; you truly care about me, and I can never thank you enough for that. I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, but if that's the price for getting you to go back to Tonks, I'll pay it, Remus. Because I care about you and love you." Harry finished. He turned away so both he and Lupin could compose themselves.

After a minute, both of them turned around. "Harry, what you said…I've never…you care about _me?..._ But… how could you care about _me?_..." Lupin started to stutter.

"Stop, Remus. There is so much to love about you, it's nearly unbelievable. You only see the bad things, which is basically only your lycanthropy, you don't see the good. There's no way I _couldn't_ care about you." Harry cut him off.

"But…I _attacked_ you…" Lupin started again.

"And it was well deserved after what I said. Just know that I did what I did for you." Harry cut him off again. He made his way toward the door so Lupin could leave and never have to see Harry again, but before he took three steps he was whipped around and pressed back into Lupin's chest.

"I don't hate you, Harry. I understand why you did it, and I believe you when you say that you didn't mean it. I just can't express how deeply sorry I am for attacking you…" Lupin started.

"You also healed me." Harry cut him off. Lupin's jumper was muffling his words, but he was clear enough that Lupin understood.

"Yes, well regardless of that, I care about you a lot, Harry, and you have no idea what your words mean to me. I've never felt like this before. Sure, James and Sirius cared about me, but to hear it from someone I care for like a godson is different from hearing it from your friends. I love you too Harry." Lupin hugged Harry even tighter before he let go and headed toward the door.

"And you were right, Harry. Your father would never condone my leaving my wife and child, even if I think it in the child's best interest. Thank you. I'm going to go back to Dora, and I cannot thank you enough. You're such a special person, Harry. I know I may never see you again, so I want to say this in case of that: You are a wonderful person, with wonderful friends and a lot of people who care about you, especially me. Please, _please_ be careful. Though I know some situations are impossible to get out of, I would really like to see you again. And, again, I love you, Harry." Lupin smiled and reached for the door.

"I love you too, Remus."

…

It was the day of Lupin and Tonks's funeral. Harry sat at the front, trying hard not to cry. It wasn't working. The whole ceremony was spent talking about their achievements, but Harry spent the time remembering the time when Tonks changed her nose into different things for dinner entertainment, or when Lupin hugged him and asked him to be Teddy's godfather, and that conversation between him and Lupin.

Work and life achievements weren't who Lupin and Tonks were. They were loving, caring people. Harry would give anything to have them back, to tell Lupin one last time how much he loved and cared about him, to hear Lupin's hoarse voice laughing while shooting jinxes at him, anything.

Sadly, there was no spell to reawaken the dead, he knew that, so Harry would settle for being the best godfather to Teddy that he could be, and remembering Lupin and Tonks as they really were, not just by their achievements. That's the least he could do for his Moony.


End file.
